For Those Who Continually Struggle With Low Self-Esteem.

For Those Who Continually Struggle With Low Self-Esteem.
Photo by Luis Villasmil / Unsplash

Don't feel ashamed to read these, regardless of age, where you think you should be, or how others think about you.

We all experience what feels like low self-esteem at points in our lives.

  • Not getting a job.
  • Coming from a family with high expectations.
  • Body image.
  • Comparison to those on your feed.
  • Struggling with mental health.

I struggle with confidence nearly every day. I also work with people who struggle with it every day. Here are some tips I practice and teach.

Ask Your Thoughts These Top Three Questions

What we think determines how we feel.

Think about your leading thoughts. What thoughts do you continually entertain that make you feel bad about yourself?

  • “I'm a complete mess.”
  • "People wouldn't avoid me if I wasn't so awkward."
  • "If I mess up in front of everyone, they'll never forget it."
  • "Everyone can tell I'm a fraud."
  • "Everyone else seems to have it together, why not me?"

We buy into these stories because we can convince our minds about anything.

There are three questions I ask thoughts that make me feel like crap:

  • Is the thought helpful?
  • Is the thought kind?
  • Is the thought true?

If the thought doesn't pass through one of these questions with a resounding YES, then it's not worth holding on to.

It's time to replace the thought with a different one.

I give a step-by-step process for this in A Workbook on Purpose.

Write a Done List

I am a master at creating a to-do list.

I am learning about this new thing called a done list.

Many of us get so hung up on what we haven't done that we forget to remember what we have accomplished. This is just how the mind operates.

Take a moment to list all the things you have accomplished. It could cover a day, a week, or your entire life.

If you can go big and small with your goals, you can do the same with your gots.

You have come a long way. That is the point. The easiest way to step forward on a long journey is to remember the many previous steps.

When there is no turning back, then we should concern ourselves only with the best way of going forward. - Paulo Coelho

Identify the Source of Worth

Here is the kicker: self-esteem is an illusion.

It is a made-up construct we've cleverly constructed in our minds. I know this because your worth has already been determined.

Worth speaks to the cost of something without factoring in anyone's personal opinion. Value is different; it can fluctuate depending on the person or the moment.

We get these mixed up in our minds.

A price had to be paid for your salvation, but without even blinking an eye Jesus decided that you were worth it.

“No one can take my life from me. I sacrifice it voluntarily. For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again. For this is what my Father has commanded.” - John 10:18 (NLT)

Your worth is rooted in something much deeper than someone’s opinion of you or your own.

Your worth is rooted in the unwavering opinion of God.

Reassess Success

How are you defining what success should be for you?

  • Are you following someone else's playbook?
  • Do you want what others have on social media?
  • Did someone plant their own dream for you in your heart?

Forget them. That is their path, their way to success.

Not yours.

False success: Raising perfect, respectable children.

Your success: Being present in your kids’ lives every day.

False success: Becoming a NYT Bestselling author.

Your success: Writing a book you're proud of.

False success: Completing a marathon in 2024.

Your success: Running 4 days a week in 2024.

Your real success will be in wins you have full control over, which is something to be proud of. Make sure to define your success and take daily steps in the right direction.

Closing Thought

Building and maintaining healthy self-esteem is a lifelong journey, but its impact on our well-being is undeniable.

When we feel good about ourselves, we're empowered to set and chase goals, nurture fulfilling relationships, and navigate life's challenges with resilience.

By acknowledging the occasional confidence dip and actively nurturing our self-worth, we take a decisive step towards happiness and emotional well-being.